We have lived in a van for 88 days as I type this note. I’m going to give blogging a go as we continue forward in this adventure. It is a multi-purpose project so bear with me as I explore all the angles here. To begin with, it is a personal account of my own journey as I live out an adventure that makes me feel tremendous highs and lows, consistently and constantly happening multiple times a day, everyday. Sound exhausting? It is! But somehow deep inside, I know whatever this is- whatever type of new experience the day brings; good, beautiful, scary, uncertainty, frustration, extreme temps, etc, I feel most alive juggling all of the above mentioned on a regular basis. I picture my brain in an MRI machine; nuerons firing, new synapsis forming, the pleasure zone lit up red, and I feel fulfilled, whole, at peace in the chaos. What is it? Is it the endorphines that settle after the new adventure is conquered? After the wave of nervous energy subsides when we pull into a campsite for the night? or watch the kids navigate their little bodies safely along new terrain? Am I just experiencing instant gratification over and over again because of the nature of this lifestyle? I am fueling my need to constantly feel alive, feel like I am living and doing; not just completing another day of routines. I am exhausted, physically, mentally, emotionally most days but somehow also feel my deep inner being quiet among the constant changing landscapes that is our journey living in a van.
Stagnancy in life makes my stomach uncomfortable, like a skin I need to shed. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I felt it creep in today and I’m begining to see a pattern. Since arriving in California we have been graciously put up in 2 homes. Two friends of ours, on seperate occasions have allowed us to house sit for them while they are out of town. On both occasions it has been a much welcomed and very much needed “vacation” from our “vacation.” The kids love laying on a sofa, dancing in the living rooms, eating dinner at a table. For me, I love washing machines, getting the van deep cleaned and a hot shower where quarters are not required. And for my husband, he thrives with a work space, to create content for his videos with a secure internet connection. It’s almost enough for me to check zillow and see if there is a house in our hometown that is just right to put our roots down. And that right there is where I begin to work through this confusion- these paradoxical desires to be nomadic but also rooted. It’s tough stuff, folks!
But in all seriousness, let me get back to some of the story. We are 4 humans living, eating, sleeping, exploring, adventuring and learning in the confines of a 170 Sprinter van while simultaneously thriving in the infinite space of the outdoors. We spend roughly 10+ hours on any given day outside. I’ll say it, I am damn proud of that last sentence. I mean in today’s world- 2021, who is spending such a huge number of hours living outside? We’ve dealt with pesky bugs, relentless sun, snow covered mud, rain, dust- the list goes on and on. What we’re learning- these conditions just are. There is no point in giving your emotions to them. Surrender yourself to the conditions at any given time and I guarantee you will feel yourself fill with gratitude for your latest experience. Now, we are human- so I’ll take 70F and sunny over rainy and 45F, but you get my point! I honestly think we have “toughened up” and can experience less than ideal whether and not let it dampen our experiences.
For now, we don’t have an end game. We will move out of this lovely home in Santa Barbara on Monday and head back into our home on wheels for the unforeseeable future. And for all of it, I am grateful.
